Oldie Goldie Theodore Black

Theodore Black is a 75 year-old man from Nashville, Tennessee. There were rumors going around Nashville one time, nasty ones. That said all sorts of mean, nasty things about ole Theodore. But Theodore would just smile. "They make me sound like a man of the world." he'd explain to the people.

But that brings us to the subject of his Halloween party. Theodore Black's Halloween Spectacle was what it was known as. Teddy was famous for his habit of decorating all the goodly heck out of his otherwise modest home. And it wasn't just things like pumpkins or bedsheet ghosts hanging from the porch-roof.

Great, terrifying animatronic beasts conjured from hell itself and infused with steel were given free reign over his front lawn. Unknown and unknowable horrors were baited with malted milk balls and then sequestered in his walk-in closet. And, like clockwork, on October 1st of every year, his grounds would be painted orange in the shape of a pumpkin, seeable by every airplane coming in and out and over the town.

Suffice to say, Theodore Black had the best treats on the block. He even beat out Marshall Brown and his industrial-sized boxes of gummi-bears. It was simply impossible to ever forget the solid gold ostrich eggs, among other such pass-outs.

~Excerpt from the upcoming book "How Theodore Black Won the Election by Two Feet and a Thumb" by Timothy Mavencratz, published by the Trumundulous Publishing Company of New York.